Magical SEO for a witch called Vivienne

As you probably know I work for a witch (vivienne) running the online side of her business, which has given me a unique insight into magic (does it exist), psychics (really?), mystics (sigh). voodoo priestess (scary), mirrors (seriously gut wrenching) and the coven book group.

I don’t normally write about the day to day life of working for a witch, running her servers, websites and carrying out the odd piece of witchy SEO.

But, for those of you who want to know, or washed up here like seaweed on a beach after a storm - or maybe a jellyfish - I’ll tell you.

It’s late at night, and soothing to write a few words before I dream the dreams that I should, or dream the people that I shouldn’t.

I know that most of you will struggle to believe that my day job is, for want of a better phrase, witch centric but there are far stranger ways to make a living in the IT industry.

Actually most of what I do is fairly mundane, and not all fairy dust and pixies but instantly recognisable to any IT professional (although I have recently go into the habit of saying a few words over the servers).

V has several (popular) wordpress blogs. She writes articles such as “how to cast a spell with just words”, “how to cast a spell in real life” which I change slightly for SEO purposes. Sound familiar anyone?

She hates me changing any of her articles (ring a bell anyone!!), but generally we reach a compromise between the original which doesn’t sell her services at all, and my version which goes too overtly for the sale and close. The sale being a click on a link leading the reader to one of our sites (I say ‘our’ as I am now have a share in several).

For what it’s worth, and from what I have learnt over the past few years, spellcasting is considered to be more about intention than words (changes molecular structure), but that is a story for another day, and why reading articles on spell-casting a witch does not make.

As well as the routine wordpress gubbins, I also run various bespoke unix backend servers and the e-commerce side of the business. In many ways, it is more interesting than working in the bank, and I have more freedom.

Every now and then, I amuse myself (and I imagine you do the same) with ranking a random phrase such as ‘magical love spell of the green frog’ just for giggles (in a similar way to what animal eats pears). I’ve just added the green frog spell :) Go on search for it. Just for fun:)

Working for V is ninety nine times out of a hundred exactly the same as working for more usual a more usual business in terms of the work: SEO, website design, javascript, PHP etc etc. It is the people I passing through my day to day existence who are different, less mundane, who slip through the cracks, maybe through style of dress, aura (again a story for another day), a certain sparkle, joie de vivre or on occasion darkness.

Today, for example, I’ve dealt with two mediums, handled a magic comb (don’t ask), dealt with a refund for a crystal ball (it didn’t work as advertised apparently- like duh), and started setting up a new unix server (debian).

For those of you who are interested, we sell using amazon, and amazon are very hot on customer support. If you don’t reply to a customer within 24 hours, you run the very real risk of having your account suspended.

Luckily, most of our profit is made through spell-casting, psychics and mediums, and these services are provided through our websites.

Nothing dodgy. All the psychics are the real deal. Or so says V. (and she’s a witch).

I run these sites, and like any good systems admin have automated almost everything. - bash, php and gulp awk. This has allowed the business to grow without too much additional IT overhead, and more importantly hasn’t encroached too much on my other activities.

The only fly in the ointment is that my CV is no longer, as they say in the trade, a good fit for any commercial jobs. I have well and truly crossed the rubicon and might as well yell “alea iacta est” and all that.

This was reinforced recently at an industry recruitment event. Just for the record, I wasn't looking for a job, and was there on account of V. Cassandra my ex made various comments on this subject to her husband (a typical over-achiever) about “below average motivation .. character flaws ... scant regard for the truth ... disregard for authority... ” when our paths crossed fleetingly (and by chance).

I’ll gloss over the details, but my name is mud with various recruitement agancies and a grown-up IT career in the city is now permanently off the table. Frankly, I'm better off without them - anyway I believe in karma - and how secure are banking systems anyway? Your money if proabably safer under the bed in a shoebox.

V my employer, (perhaps) mentor and sometimes friend said when I described the various incidents.

“It’s better for you here with us. There is less temptation.”

I’m not sure what that means, and although marginally better than Cassandras brutal assessment, still isn’t particularly encouraging.

You might wonder, what with UNIX admins being thin on the ground, why I can just cruise into another job. It’s either because V. doesn’t want me to leave, or thinks that it would be a bad idea or that in this era of tedious specialists I’m a Jack of all trades and master of ...

So that is it.

Ranking phrases like “magical green frog love spell” for funsies, witchy SEO as required, voodoo princesses, a few mind altering experiences (think voodoo princesses and mirrors) and that is my job.

BTW V is happy for me to moonlight (as it were), and if you require the services of a great all round unixy sort of d00d then drop me a line. I’ll get back to you if I am free ...